o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
