Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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