Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize