It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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