remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
