My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
