It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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