Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
