They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize