It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
