these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
