It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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