I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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