just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
