Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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