Me too!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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