Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
