i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
