I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
