She tied me up with her honor cords...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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