Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize