well you can't waste a boner
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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