Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
