Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
