if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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