walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
