Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
