dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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