As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
