I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
