Small penises have feelings too.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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