i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
