I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
