Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
