Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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