you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
