so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
