You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
bring money and cleavage
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
