Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
