i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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