well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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