Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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