So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
