well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize