Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
