i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
