One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
