i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
