the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
