I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize