In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
