fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
