i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
