so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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