ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
