Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
