He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
