she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
