i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
