they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
