i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Let's get the cat blown out
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
