i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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